About Time We Had A Fireside Chat (God Has Such A Great Sense Of Humor He Gave Us Politicians)

Well its election year and I don't know 'bout you but I am sick and tired of all the rhetoric. Each candidate from each respective party talks circles and spouts half-truths. Until suicide seems like a viable way to put a stop to it. They never come up with any real solutions to whats really bugging America. Which is our fault as Americans. We have a tendency to elect people who could no more represent Americans than a rooster could lay an egg. We want a politician who has a degree in law or graduated from a prestigious ivy league school. Just how can that person represent Americans? When 75% of all Americans barely passed high school, and of the 25% of Americans who graduated college only 1% graduate top of their class. We call those people geeks. They are so far out of touch with Americans that they don't even realise we call them geeks. We don't even invite these people to our fun parties. Why? Because they are out of touch with the rest of us Gun Toting, Beer Drinking, Skirt Chasing, Trailer Dwelling, Fun loving Americans-thats why. If you've ever had a conversation with one of these individuals your not even sure they speak english. Trouble is they have just as hard of a time understanding us. So how is it we feel they can represent us? We as Americans say things like "we need more money to pay for higher costs".

Politician hears" Americans Need Jobs" or " Americans Deserve a Better Minimum Wage". See he/she missed the point by a mile. What we said was we as Americans want more money-hell we don't even want a damn job. I think we all can agree where this politician needs to put his minimum wage.(if you catch my drift) My father God rest his soul was a firm supporter of Harry S. Truman. "Old Harry invented jobs for America he'd say". I'd say" Dad why didn't you just ask for money you wouldn't had to work your whole life"? Poor dad just never quite got it. "Hard Work Never Hurt Nobody" he would say. However I can't help noticing he ain't with us no more.

Americans say" We are sick and tired of catering to foreign interests". Politician hears"Americans want tougher immigration laws". Well this ones tricky as what the politician said sounds better than what we wanted. We as Americans actually just wanted 'em to take down the toilet sign in three languages. Confuses hard working drunk Americans. Kinda have to go with the politician on this one.

Americans say" We are sick and tired of being shot at by criminals". Politician hears" Americans want stricter gun control". No, No, No, what we want is to keep our guns but not let criminals have any. It's simple really. Most criminals involved in gun crime have previous convictions. So while we have them incarcerated(can't stress this enough) The first time. We surgically implant a finger shunt on their index finger, which makes it impossible for criminal to bend finger. This way that criminal could never fire a gun with any accuracy. Think of the lives we'd save. Plus as an added bonus we as a society would know we shouldn't accept a check from Mr. Stiff finger. Moms everywhere who always preached it's impolite to point would be vindicated. Think of it not only could we as Americans easily spot a criminal. But it could put an end to petty crime like, pick-pocketing, illegal fishing, bomb making, and shoplifting. Puts a whole new spin on he got fingered. For those of you mamby-pamby types who think surgical alteration is cruel. Bingo we just found a good assignment for that 1% geek you all wanted to elect. He could get busy designing a finger shunt that requires no surgery. Kinda like a Finger-Club. You know like we put on the steering wheel of our pickups, only this would lock a finger. That serves two purposes it employs someone who actually deserves to work for a living, and it keeps the little geek out of politics. At least until he can learn to speak American.

I believe it is high time we evolved into a 3 party political system. Or better yet we as Americans wise up and elect a person of the people like a Plumber, Carpenter, Truck Driver, hell even a used car salesman. Someone who could speak our lingo and get the message straight. Hell our politicians our so far out of touch with America that Hillary actually believed she had a chance. Lets face it we would not want to invite her to one of our gun-toting, beer-guzzling, trailer trashing, fun parties. Poor little geek girl. If you have enjoyed these ramblings of a humorous note then please fell free to visit my Blog at http://www.hootnhowell.blogspot.com/ now lets all have a party!