How To Throw Kick Azz Parties

I thought it might be prudent to post a hub about party planning. The holiday season is fast approaching and we all need help! Bare in mind though that party season really lasts all year long. The difference between a good party and a kick-azz party, however is monumental. The devil is in the details. Kick-Azz parties require a great deal of planning. They usually also require a fair amount of bail money. Remember there is no such thing as bad publicity. A review in the (Social Happenings) section of your local newspaper, is no more of an edge than a post in the (Other Crimes Of Note) section. The way you exploit it makes all the difference. Promising your guests they will get their names in the newspaper has great appeal. Either venue can work for this, but the whole party going to jail assures no name is overlooked. Social events tend to only mention party guests of note. So if you are say Mrs. Gloria Lovemuffin III of upper 5th Ave. you will probably be mentioned. On the other hand if you are Sam Twobillsbehind of lower Baltic Ave. your name will probably be ommitted from the social attendance list. What can I say? Life is not always fair. Take comfort in the fact that social gatherings do not a party make. Unless your idea of adventure is watching turtles race or breed then avoid social gatherings. There is usually a money motif behind these types of events. This can take the form of donating to the hosts favorite charity or just a reason for the host to flaunt their wealth. These events often have an admission price attached for watered down drinks, and cucumber sandwiches.(yuck) I am afraid if you are wanting to host a social event. This maybe the wrong hub for you. I have zero experience in planning social events. I do however have impeccable credentials in hosting parties. Including 3 parties where all patrons were hauled off to the hokey, 6 close calls, and a stearn warning from the chief of police! Whom we later put in a cab and sent home!

Now that you are blissfully aware of the difference between parties and social gatherings. Let's get into the thick of it! First one needs to establish the reason for the party. Many things can come to mind even for the inexperienced party thrower. Including your birthday, your child's birthday, your spouses birthday, your dog fluffies birthday, holidays, and special events. For the more experienced party thrower imagination is king. Try Samuel Gompers Day, This Day Ended In Y, My Divorce Is Final, My Divorce Is Likely, My Bancruptcy Is Final, or My Bancruptcy Is Inevitable parties. I even once attended a purple party. The party was just to celebrate the color purple. If you have any imagination at all then really the list is endless. Party reasons that should be avoided. Funeral parties no matter how much you disliked the person. Impending disaster parties. I know it is very vougue for coastal dwellers to host hurricane parties. I am no Emily Post however, I believe any party which may cause the death of a large percentage of your guests is taboo. Just call me old fashioned! If one must throw this type of party. I suggest giving out party favors of a bouyant nature. Perhaps life vests with the guests name indelibly marked on it. Lastly lynching parties are in poor taste. Besides if you look at any archaic picture of the members of a lynching party. Nobody looks like they are having even the least amount of fun! Especially the guest of honor!

Now that you've established a reason for your party. One now has to set their attention to the details. There is much to do and much to consider. Where will the party take place? When will the party take place? Who will you invite to the party? What you will provide at the party? Aternative time and locations for weather delay if any. Budget for your party. Theme for your party. These with very few exceptions are the boring part of the party. Still they are needed for a successful party. Large quantities of Rum, Vodka, Beer can help aleviate the stress of some of these tasks. For the health minded individual who refrains from strong drink. May I suggest large portions of oat-bran and a thorough pondering of just why you are having a party? All of these tasks put together may seem daunting. Break each one down to small do-able chunks. By doing this you will ensure that by the day of your party you will have only forgotten a dozen things. Consider making a list of things to do. Lists are a great way for you to practice ignoring things. With a little vigilence and practice you might even be able to ignore making a list! So let us break it down step by step.

1> Establish your budget. This will rule all party making decisions. Keep in mind that you are still in the planning stages. Money will continue to come in right up till party kick off. That is to say you maybe able to leverage money from the future. You may only have $58 dollars to spend on your party today. Next week you recieve another paycheck giving you an additional $58 to spend on the party. If your party is 6 weeks off that will give you a total of $348 for your party budget. This can be a great help in deciding where the party will be held, how many to invite, how much to spend on party favors etc. etc. It can however have a dismal effect on your outlook about life. Such as: I work 50 hrs a week for a measley $58 in fun money a week? Hand me the bottle of vodka and a bowl of oat bran, perhaps I can shit myself happy! Don't despair there are alternatives here. You could for example consider asking a friend to co-host a party. You could consider asking guests to B.Y.O.B. You could consider a life of crime and/or welfare. My favorite trick for a budget extender is to put the electric bill in the envelope for the water co., and visa-versa. This alone could be a reason for a party! Be creative but try to stick to your budget.

2> Where will the party be? The budget will help you determine this. If you have a large budget consider renting a hall. If you are like most of us and have a small budget. Then consider alternatives. Your own house is the least desireable place, but often your only choice. This tends to incur expenses you have not budgeted for. The broken lamp, noise complaint tickets, and the ever popular mystery stain on your carpet. Consider creative but free alternatives. Find out if your Mother-in-law is going to be out of town. Why not have your party there? You could let her stuff get broken. Actually any in-law who will be gone for that particular date is fair game. Public parks are a good choice and most offer several escape routes. Abandoned buildings can also be quite useful here. After all they are just wasting away without purpose anyway. Trespassing is after all a misdemeanor!

3> Your guest list. For the most part your budget will determine how many people you can invite. However if you are constructive it can lead to a valuable stream of steady income. How you ask? Well you may be limited to say a list of 10 light drinkers or 4 heavy drinkers by your budget. You are not under any restraint as to who these guests should be. I suggest inviting the mayor, the chief of police, any person of importance in your community. Why? Because these are perfect examples of people to play your black-mail game. If done correctly it can provide you with years of a steady income for which to fund more parties! This does require getting the guest very drunk, the purchase of a poloroid camera, and the services of a hooker for the most part. It is a paltry investment for the years of fun and profit you can wreak from this. Special note here; costume parties are not very good for this event as the poloroids are often not useable in a court of law. If this is not within your best judgement. Then stick to the basics invite anorexic light drinkers and you can expand your guest list by ten-fold. Try to weed out guests which will drain your budget. Avoid alcoholics, bulemics(think mystery stains), people with large apetites, and your pastor who will no doubt give a sermon on the evils of celebration next Sun.

4> Picking a theme. All good parties of memory have a theme. With all the party supplies available today picking a good theme is easy. It is also one of the more fun things to consider and plan. It can also be a great outlet for your imagination to go wild. Your only real restraint here is that damn budget. Great themes of note are Lua, Pirate, Sports, Poker, Fiesta, Cartoon Character, Super Hero, and/or latest fad! I remember hosting a Hi Bob party back in the early 80's. Hi Bob parties were great fun. It involved recording several episodes of The Bob Newhart Show. Guests then gathered to watch these episodes and every time Bob Newhart would enter a room someone on the screen would always exclaim Hi Bob. This was every guests cue to chug a shot of choice. These parties by nature usually only lasted about 5 episodes long. Any and all holidays are also great themes. Election parties are good. Again your imagination and that silly budget you are never going to stick to are your only limits. Themes you may want to reconsider are anything that requires your guests to arrive naked! Planning themes around naked people is very difficult. It is possible to pull off such a thing but only for the seasoned veteran. I don't recommend it! Even for a seasoned party planner the list of problems associated by a naked party are way too numerous to go into here.

So there you have a short version of party planning. A list of budget concerns. A rule of thumb for your guest list. Planning your next party should now be a snap. Like anything else in life the more you do the more you learn. You may even decide to become a full-time party planner. You may have your own advice for saving money. You may also discover you like oat-bran and vodka and be internally and eternally happy! Remember for all things to do with planning a party-visit a party planning store! For all things nonsensical visit my blog at http://www.hootnhowell.blogspot.com/ feel free to post a comment about your own adventures in party planning below. Feel free to post all your incriminating photos of your mayor on YouTube!