Understanding The Difference Between Democrats And Republicans

Meet Average Joe! Average Joe is a middle income American. He has worked hard his whole life. Mostly due to some bad advice his parents gave him. His parents taught him that hard work was a virtue. They instilled the belief that hard work would solve his financial worries. Average Joe's parents meant no harm. They were just woefully misinformed. Average Joe has tried everything including getting a second job to improve his lot in life. Nothing Average Joe has done, however has improved his financial situation. He is no closer to being rich then when he worked only one job! Lately Average Joe has turned his interest to politics. Why you ask? Because Average Joe is tired of beating his head against a brick wall. Average Joe had an epithany after consuming too much egg-nog at Christmas last year. Average Joe reasoned if hard work is not the answer perhaps it is the political system that can shed some light. We can only assume Average Joe has only average intelligence working for him!

So Average Joe took a week to recover from his egg-nog induced stupor. He made a New Years resolution, to make sense of the political process in the coming year. Average Joe made a point of watching all the political debates, reading all the political news, and paying all his taxes. Shortly after filing his taxes for the preceding year Average Joe remaked, My God I pay a lot of taxes. Average Joe thought perhaps he had discovered the problem in his inability to better himself. Average Joe deduced that since the taxes due were the result of a Republican administration being in charge then republicans must be the problem. Average Joe called out to his wife to come see this new discovery. Mrs. Average Joe came in from the kitchen to hear her husband explain his new-found discovery. She listened intently. Then she said to herself-Average Joe you are an idiot. Mrs. Average Joe went on to remind him that just eight years ago he had made the same discovery! She correctly pointed out that eight years ago we were under a democratric administration. Average Joe sat dumbfounded and realized there was more to the political process then he first imagined. Mrs. Average Joe returned to her kitchen grabbed a glass of wine and wandered down memory lane. She then poured another glass of wine and convinced herself she had made the right choice for a husband way back when. She reminded herself of how Average Joe was an idiot but he was her idiot. She wondered what life would be like if she had married that geek from science class who always stared at her breasts. She wondered where she had put that other bottle of wine. She wondered if she could hide Average Joe's body if she acted upon her first instinct and just killed the idiot? Yes woman are complicated creatures almost as complicated as politics. Average Joe wondered if his wife would be well cared for should he die?

Weeks passed while Average Joe pondered the problem. Soon Average Joe forgave the republicans because he went fishing. He forgave the democrats because he caught a fish! He made a new commitment to return home and pay close attention to the politicians. Mrs. Average Joe stayed home. She found the missing bottle of wine, went shopping, dug a shallow grave in the backyard, and slept with the post-man. She sobered up the next day filled in the grave and planted a rose bush there to cover her tracks. Average Joe stopped by the insurance office on his way home and raised his life insurance coverage. He also bought a new baseball cap and a TV Guide. He prayed all this new interest in politics would not interfere with baseball season. What can I say Average Joe is after all average.

Average Joe perused the TV Guide. Good news! That very week there was an interview with the republican front runner. He double checked the 7 P.M. listing and found no baseball games were scheduled for that time slot. Finally Average Joe could possibly find out what the republicans stood for. He tuned in and listened carefully. The republican front runner went into his stance on the outlook for America. He described how he believed tax cuts for the wealthy are good for the economy. Mr. republican front-runner detailed the fact that rich people need these tax breaks to provide America with jobs. Average Joe admitted this made some sense. The republican front-runner then explained how the continued occupation of a foreign country was needed to keep us safe from terrorism. Average Joe reasoned this sounded plausible. This front-runner then went on to describe how he would help poor Americans everywhere. He also pointed out that funding for the war to keep terrorists out of America would have to be considered. Mr. republican front-runner then went on waxing poetic about the need for America to stand tough, be united, do our fair share, and some other patriotic mumble-jumble. Average Joe pondered where this funding would come from? He reasoned rightfully so, that if the rich get a tax break and of course the poor have no money to tax, then he as a middle income earner would foot the bill! Average Joe scoured the TV Guide for a time slot to hear the democratic front-runners take on America. Eureka! Tommorrow night at 7: P.M. an interview with the democratic front-runner. Mrs. Average Joe purchased three more bottles of wine and some rat poison.

True to Average Joe's conviction. He tunes in to the interview of the democratic front-runner. Average Joe listens intently to this democratic front runner. The democratic front runner describes how his party will help the poor. He claims he will help the poor by taxing the rich. Average Joe decides this is a good plan because he is not rich. Mr. democratic front-runner then claims he will put a stop to this silly war we are involved in. Mr. front-runner goes on to detail how he will systematically withdraw our troops from our current war. Average Joe thinks hey thats great war is bad. Mr. democratic front-runner then explains that troop withdrawal is expensive and helping the poor is expensive. He talks about sacrifice and being American. He casually mentions he will do his best to close up the loopholes rich people use avoiding taxes. Average Joe remembers shit thats right rich people have loop holes. Average Joe maybe average and unaware of what loop holes are. However Average Joe is aware of the fact he has no loop holes. He then correctly reasons if the rich have loop holes and the poor have no money, where will this money come from? Yes it will come from middle income earning Average Joe. Hmmm! He is now acutely aware of the political quagmire he is determined to unravel. Average Joe ponders the predictament his finances are in and patiently awaits the upcoming football season. Mrs. Average Joe buys a case of wine and a large knife. Average Joe goes to the sporting goods store and buys a popcorn bowl with his favorite football teams logo emblazoned on it. On his way home he stops by the insurance office and ups his coverage so that should he soon expire his dear wife will be well cared for.

Average Joe determines he is screwed regardless of his political affiliation. He briefly considers voting for an independent. He however soon realizes that would be futile. Average Joe has at least found out that regardless of how many jobs he holds he will never be rich. Has discovered no matter what party holds office he is slated to pay all the taxes. He goes to work and watches as the once poor people of his community leap frog past him. He notes how one war ends just in time to spring into a new war. He wonders if the multi-million dollar policy he has purchased will be enough to sustain his wife. He shakes his head at the fact that being a middle income American he is screwed. He knows he can't afford for his children to attend college. He knows his tax money will be used to spring board poor people to the front of the educational line. He wonders why he can't afford decent medical coverage. His tax contribution offers the poor great coverage. He ponders the fact that his paycheck can barely afford beans for supper. Average Joe watches in despair as his tax dollars feed the poor who can get steak for supper every night. He ponders if he should use live bait or red wigglers this season for ice-fishing. Average Joe drives home to ask his wife. Mrs. Average Joe offers him a glass of wine. He thinks gee this wine tastes bitter and makes me very woozy! He says to himself so this is what rose bush roots look like! Mrs. Average Joe tells the police that idiot went ice fishing and has never come back! The policeman notes that ice fishing is stupid. Mr. policeman has no reason to doubt the nice lady with big breasts. Mrs. Average Joe cashes her multi million dollar policy and moves uptown. She becomes very apolitical because politics can lead people to do crazy things. She pours herself a glass of wine which has no bitter taste. She surfs the internet where she stumbles upon the silly ramblings of http://www.hootnhowell.blogspot.com/ she admires the fact he is apolitical. She wonders whatever happened to that geek-boy in science class. The one who liked her breasts. She wonders if perhaps he would like to share a glass of wine and an apolitical conversation? She calls him up and casually remarks that hootnhowell is right. This Absurd World Is A Funny Place!